December 17, 2010


I'm afraid of loosing. Yes, I am. I may say "bye" alot, but I didn't really meant it. It hurts when I said it, but it even more hurts if I didn't. So, I'm glad I did. But flashback keep tracks me down whenever I'm all alone. New hopes, is the only thing I have in hands, to keep me moving on from the past. But still, I'm scared. I'm too scared if the new hopes aren't the hopes that I should hope for. I'm a girl with hopes. Full of hopes. But I always get the false ones. I enjoy watching people. Learn from others. Motivate myself. But when the time comes, Imma total loser with a dumb head. I feel numb and completely breakdown. I convinced others, with full of hopes, do this and do that, for their own good, 'cuz its sad for me to see my friends whenever they're in troubles or having heartbreaks. Seems like, it helped. But I wonder why it's not working on me. Why there's no other human being that can help me, take me out from this misery. I've been in this for a very long time and I'm too tired to scream for helps anymore. I'm dying inside. It's the side effects of moving on. I became heartless.

I speak nonsense. I do things without thinking. I speak my mind, but I never mind what I speak. I talk crap nowadays. I love story telling. I close my eyes. I see none. I'm holding on false hopes, hoping oneday it would changed. I lost my mind. Feel free to say it straight to my face. Because probably I'll be glad to hear it, with a sincere smile on my face. Eventhough my heart isn't. I gotta a lot in me, gotta get it out. Can you hear it? Its so much more than just a sound. I'm beginning to imagine, as well as beginning to believe. Call me dramatic. I'm living in my fantasy. If I could fit the world in my pocket. Take my hidden dreams and unlock. I'd be flying in one rocket, without doubts and worries. Leaving all nightmares behind. It's my dream and no one can stop it.

you shadapp !

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